Here is a selection of our best funny Cabin Crew stories, all supplied by existing or retired Cabin Crew:
I remember on my first long haul flight with British Airtours to Barbados a steward Nick, filled my hat with whipped cream as all the girls went to put their hats on after landing Nick said he would fetch mine and as an initiation to longhaul planted it on my head!!! I had cream running down my face as the passengers disembarked and I was trying to pretend nothing was wrong.
On my first short haul flight I remember the captain asking me to visit the flight deck coming into landing and he said as we are experiencing difficulty with the undercarriage could you stand in the middle of the cabin in the aisle and jump up and down to help lower the gear/wheels. Luckily I realised he was playing a practical joke on me!
I was on a flight to Miami and half way through the flight a colleague asked me what was the protocol for having dogs on board the aircraft and I replied it was not allowed on long haul flights. My colleague informed me there was a poodle sitting in seat 39G! We all laughed and said don’t be ridiculous but on closer inspection there was a real live dog sitting in 39G waiting for his meal! When I approached the passenger and said how did you manage to get the dog through security she replied “I hid him under my coat” then when asked what will happen if he wants to go to the toilet she replied he is fine he went before he left the house!! Unfortunately when we landed in Miami customs & excise confiscated the dog.
On a flight we noticed a couple going into the toilet together! after a long while we decided to post a note under the door saying “welcome to the mile high club” there was some red faces when they exited the toilet!
On a very busy flight I was rushing around clearing in meal trays and as I passed a woman (I had both hands full) she shouted “steward take my meal tray from me” I replied “madam I have testicles not tenticals”
When you are working on an aircraft you can see the tops of peoples heads and many times we have a giggle about ill fitting wigs. On one flight I was offering tea and coffee from a pot chair side and the pot was heavy so whilst waiting for the passenger to make his decision I rested on what I thought was the top of the seat but it was instead to my horror on a mans wig which started to move over his face!!
Captain Will wrote:
I was flying the aircraft to Nigeria and before entering nigerian airspace I had to contact air traffic control for clearance to approach the airfield. When I called ATC I heard nothing just a crackling noise over the airwaves, then all of a sudden I heard an african voice saying “Hello Captain Will yes you can continue to Nigeria airport but you will need to contact the tower at the airport so I will bid you good bye”. I then changed frequency on my radio and dialled in Nigeria airport. “Hello Captain Will welcome to Nigeria airport you have permission to land” I thought his voice sounded very familiar so I asked him if I had just spoken to this man and he replied “yes Captain I have changed seats”
Another flight into Nigeria and the control tower said welcome British Airways Flight BA273 you have permission to land on runway 2 – the captain replied “we never use runway 2 we always use runway 1, why is this”? The tower responded “because there has been a crash on runway 1” Fair comment I suppose!!!
I passed a bacon sandwich to the captain whilst he was in the flight deck flying the plane. I gave him the tomato ketchup bottle and I was unaware someone had already loosened the cap. The captain shook the bottle and ketchup went all over the flight deck controls and across the windscreen! It looked like someone had been massacred! We did giggle (luckily he had a good sense of humour!).
A first class passenger goes to the toilet and comes out rather distraught… says to the steward “BA really shouldn’t have windows in the toilet, a little man could peep in and see my bum” to which the steward replies, mam, if a little man was clinging onto the wings just to get a glimpse of your derrier then don’t you think he deserves to!